Should.
One of the most toxic words available to us.
“Shoulds” create an internal obligation and as Dr.
Wayne Dyer said, “If you are living your life out of a
sense of obligation you are a slave.” I add to that by
saying, “If you are living your life out of a sense of
obligation, even to yourself, you are a slave.”
Have you ever heard things like this inside your own head?
You should eat healthy, you should workout more, you should be a good person, you should love your parents, you should be a better friend, you should get a good job, you should like your job, and most of all you should make your life work.
I could be wrong but I am fairly sure that “shoulds” do not exist. They exist in “grey” space, that are made up fantasies that we give to ourselves and other people. You cannot point to a “should.” You can’t eat a “should,” you can’t find shelter under a “should” etc. Shoulds don’t exist in reality. They only exist in our minds.
The problem with these should statements is that they can very quickly lead to anxiety, resentment and pressure. They leave you operating from your head and external sources rather than from your heart and spirit. If you break a “should”, you have essentially broken the “rules” which leads to beating yourself up with shame and guilt.
The fear in adopting a non-shoulding way of life can be intense. How will anything get done? Won’t the world collapse if everyone doesn’t follow “the rules”. Fortunately, the world won’t fall apart and the only thing that will fall to the side is your sense of obligation, doubt and stress.
The magic comes when you exchange the word “should” for “want” or “could”. This seems like a small shift but the effects are tremendous. When you make this shift you gain OWNERSHIP over your language. This ownership over your language is really ownership over your life. Ownership will allow you to have freedom and realize, YOU are in control of your own decisions in life. When you take ownership you are directly depositing into your self love/value bank account. You start to build trust that your words are powerful and can change the reality around you. This is a strong realization that will change your life for the better.
MISSION:
Eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary.
Become aware of when you “should” yourself, and others. When you find that creeping into your life, STOP and exchange the word, want, or don’t want.
NOW:
Write down ways you have notoriously “should’d” on yourself.
Write down ways you have should’d on others.
Commit to a “Should FAST”
Make a promise to yourself to eliminate should from your life. If after the 6 weeks you find that should benefit you, feel free to add them back in but in my experience the 6 week FAST leads to a lifetime FAST.
Written by Mike Aidala
